Oh heck... What is that!

Yes I am a shocking blogger.... Things in our family life have completely taken over and to be perfectly honest I've not been in the best place to write.

During February I had an amazing break away to Marbella for my besties Birthday it's was Brilliant and I am truly blessed to have some wonderful friends.

While I was there, A took the kids to North Norfolk to see his parents - great for them to have a trip to the seaside with Daddy!

I really wasnt sure whether to write about all this as I've been pretty careful with who I've told, but now things are more visible(you'll know what I mean further on)  I thought it was best to get it out there and also help me to write things down.

Then things took a nose dive. Just before school was due to start, we did the usual Sunday night of packing weekend things away and settling down for bedtime when I noticed Max had a patch of missing hair about the size of a £2 coin on his right side... I was a bit panicked but A calmed me and we decided I would make an emergency appointment to see the doctor in the morning.

Now normally I would have completely flipped out but I knew I had to try and rein in my feelings not only for M but for A as well.

The following day the doctor confirmed M has Alopecia Areata - an autoimmune disease that attacks the Hair follicles. My heart sank - it was not about looks or whether M would be completely bald but because my gorgeous little boy who had gone through so much with allergies as a baby now had this. Unfortunately he has steadily lost his hair and now has two large patches either side if his head and his hair is thinning... What will be, will be and we will deal it. At the moment I'm OK but during church a couple of weeks ago during prayers I had a moment, a wash of sadness came over me, and the tears fell. I am not in control of what will happen and that is what I am struggling with. I prayed for M and my family to give us all strength to deal with the situation.

Luckily we live near a fantastic hospital and he's due to meet his consultant this Friday(1st May) to see what the plan is.

During all this I was feeling so run down, I had a "super virus"  the doctor called it....chest infection and then a secondary chest infection I felt truly awful - luckily after 7 weeks I'm pretty much back to full health and hopefully that's my quota for the year.

So I promise to write more hopefully!

Sorry to bore on.

Let's be friends....

I'm what you would call a Swan or an ugly duckling lol.....

Graceful on the surface but underneath I'm treading water to keep up.

After yesterday's post I have had lots of comments, private messages and texts from people who I see a lot and one or two got me thinking!

We all have plates to spin, some more than others, we all deal with things in different ways but ultimately do we all have some alter ego that we bring out in public? A front so to speak! I know for instance on Facebook the people who post about perfect lives, amazing food etc may not always be telling the truth. I often say I bet you don't post when you've just about managed to get a meal of nuggets, fries and beans on the table or that you've been in your pj's all day or that you've just shoved the kids in front of the TV for most of the day!... Yes we've all done it! 

But the best way I can describe the alter ego is with the words "I'm fine thanks, plodding on you know what it's like"

When in reality things are not as they seem, husbands working late, not getting on with family, kids driving you bonkers, work is crackers And heaven for bid your relationship is at breaking point.

Only the very close friends you have know the real you, not necessarily the inner circle but the one or two people you could spill your inner soul to.

And if you don't have anyone to chat to, what do you do?

I've been in that situation when I first moved to Abingdon.

Along came T and there I was in town I knew nobody, D was a toddler and A was at work - the Internet became my sanity. I was a member of a forum and I could pour my heart out to strangers who I knew wouldn't judge me and who became my Internet weirdies

A community of women and some menfolk who dared to cross into our path lol. But it was heaven sent - I'm still part of that community and am forever grateful to the few who I can call friends! 

Luckily this moment of loneliness passed as D joined LF nursery and I soon found real people to talk to. My health visitor too was amazing in helping me get through tough times that I had in this new chapter in my life.

I guess I'm really lucky to have a good life and good friends and my only issue is with myself and inner issues which come and go

But what if there was a support network in place for the times when you need it, to let of steam, learn to do new things and build confidence or have a natter over a coffee or wine,  you know I like wine!

This is one of my plans... A community group to get together and meet and be there in the flesh rather than online - where you can be you!

I've rambled but do know that if I say I'm fine I probably am.... It's normally when I have had a couple of vinos you'll know different lol!

Get in touch if you would like to get involved in some sort of meet up!

Plans

exciting ideas and plans are afoot!

a few lovely ladies who I am sure will be reading this are popping round at the end of the month for some colouring in - funny how something so simple can bring people together. This has got me thinking about a couple of ideas I have had for a while and perhaps now is the time to start putting them into place and making them happen.

very recently I was involved in organising a 24 Carol Marathon which was amazing - we raised just under £1,000 for two brilliant charities Blue Skye Thinking and The Archway Foundation. It was a great event and certainly something to do again in the future. It was such a wonderful experience and one which I was very pleased to be apart of.

so what are these so called great ideas - for the moment I am not prepared to write about them here until I have had chance to speak with a few key people, but what I want to say is that I think one will be another great way to bring the community together once again and the other is to get a few people together to join a group.... dun dun derrrrrr!!!

so why the suddenness to get involved and do all this?

With Max going to nursery soon -- WEEP!

I have had a bit of calling so to speak, another way to use my time which will be freed up. Volunteering for various things are in place already for me to spend my afternoons and I am already involved in the community association and I LOVE IT!

I am trying to rebuild my confidence and becoming Jo again! - being a SAHM for 10 years has lets just say knocked the stuffing out of me. I no longer feel good enough or clever enough to do certain things and one of my main things I have learnt recently is that I do have a lot to give people(insert big headed icon lol) and if I can do some good for other people while I have the time then why the hell not hey!

Some people may laugh and snigger behind my back about it, but so what!

being involved in certain things last year  made me realise its not always about recognition its how it made you feel, because sometimes people aren't always able to say to WELL DONE and would rather put you down or completely bypass you for others.

I am in no way asking for KUDOS on these next couple of projects -  I WANT to do it because I CAN and because I want to make others SMILE and feel part of something.

Is it me you're looking PAW!

Not blogged for a couple of days... See I told you it's difficult to keep up with it every day! Epic fail 1 of the year.

Now let's  talk about Tweetle Beetles...Not really just being silly - if you have a child you will understand.

We have a "bone" of contention in this house, that unless one party gives in it will always be there with no resolve. I am not the one who will give in by the way!

Now let's just "paws" for a moment and start by saying that this really is not going to be a husband bashing - I completely understand why A has feelings against this issue and if he's reading this I do get it!

Right.... I really and I mean really want a dog! Nothing too big, as those who have been in my house will know it's not really suitable for anything bigger than a small collie!

I have always grown up with pets... My mum, let's just say was obsessed with animals! Horses, dogs, rabbits, birds, guinea pigs, fish etc anything that moved apart from spiders... Shudder.

We do have a cat with attitude already and used to have lots of fish tanks - I think we were upto 10 tanks at one point.. Madness.

But I'm yearning for a dog, I trawl the dog rescue sites and for sale pages dreaming of who I can give a home too. Which one will fill my house and complete my family. I'm broody for the hairy kind. I know that we can give one a loving home and that the kids and I will play an active role in looking after him/her.
But and that but is HUGE. A is not interested and is not a dog lover.... Although I think one day he will break!

Over Xmas B received from Santa  "Lucy the dog" an interactive toy. She loves it and was the one thing that was asked for all year. M adores her as well as is always shouting "Lucy, on your head" and other things that you can do with her with a huge giggle of happiness when she complies. It's tres cute!  I would love to give them the real thing knowing how much they would enjoy having one.
But alas for now that is the best it's gonna get in this household for now.

I will just have to keep dreaming of completing my family and hope that one day A will crack... In the meantime I will continue to whatsapp him pictures of what could be!

It takes a whole day to get there!

Daytime TV rocks - I don't mean Jezza or endless repeats of bargain hunt or homes under the hammer. Occasionally a series comes on and it becomes an instant favourite.

For me it's "Wanted Down Under" a programme about families trying out Australia or New Zealand for a week to Road test the possibility of emigrating.

It's Brilliant, I love watching it. Some of the families are clearly only doing it for a free holiday but the majority are pretty serious about a move. I instantly feel in awe of them for doing something adventurous and certainly for the most part I'm pretty jealous.

I would love to have the opportunity to go and live in another part of the world, Australia especially. I missed out on the whole gap year thing, which my big brother did and fair play to him for going! If I could revisit and have a sliding doors moment I would deffo have buggered off to Oz to do the whole backpacker/RV/hostel thing... It would have been brilliant to create some amazing memories instead it's now on my bucket list to do with A when he retires -  gap year at 70 lol

Over the Xmas hols we had the pleasure of seeing one of A's school friends who currently lives in Sydney with his wife,  and their children. It's always great seeing friends but it had been 6 years since we last saw them.... They have kindly invited us out there one summer holiday - the idea of that really fills me with excitement. An opportunity the kids would love and I know it will create a lifetime of memories and who knows they may even go and do the gap year thing when they are older -  they are not doing it with us when we are aged

So that's now a plan of action to save the amount of money for flights and take a trip.

But for now it's a dream packed  firmly away until the funds allow!

In the meantime I shall keep watching WDU and dreaming of life down under.

But my thought for today is if you get these opportunities, grab them! What do you have to lose by giving things a go.... Absolutely Nothing!

Artful dodger

Today the children went back to school. I find it quite bittersweet. On the one hand "hurrah the blighters are back" but I'm missing them, it's fairly quiet with just M, minus the odd bit noise that he creates - he's pretty good company and has plenty of comedy moments to keep us both entertained.

Highlight today was him running around when we got home from drop off shouting "where are you?" in the bedrooms and playing hide and seek with himself.... I was actually washing up the breakfast things at this point!

I feel I'm defined by the mad mum with 4 kids - must be mental... Yes yes yes but it's good fun for the most part.
Routines are easier when it's term time. I try my hardest to stay motivated and do what is expected of a housewife during the day but I do feel I fall short on the majority of days. Often I've told A he would make a better housewife than me. Don't get me wrong I'm not a complete sloth but I struggle with severe procrastination, I'd much rather build the duplo or read a book to M.This is my time with him, just the two of us. Who wants to spend their days cleaning skirting boards or ironing! I think that I only have a few months left of him before he goes into the "system" so make the most of it now.....

Does it matter I leave the lunch things to wash later? I'm saving water!

M still has a snooze late pm just before school pick up, I normally just grab a quick cuppa and snooze - I do have an alarm set on my phone called "nana nap" recharge the batteries so to speak... Yes I know I'm being that sloth again.

Today was a little different. I got an adult colouring book at Xmas and some proper coloring pens, none of this chunky crayola stuff. Pretty awesome gift. Not too sure if any of you reading know about mindfulness but this is pretty good to getting close to it. Drifting off into a different mindset for a few moments of  coloring  "meditation" this is another new thing I'm trying... Art therapy! I felt so much more relaxed going to do the school run and the manicness that ensues afters school collection. Nothing wrong with giving it a go.

I'm just catching up the ending of this entry while I put M into a gentle slumber listening to his gruffalo child audio book.

Darkened room and not being able to move until he's drifted off... Rod, own back springs to mind!

New things achieved today....
*art therapy

Jx

2015

You say it every year " I am going to blog" you start off well but after a few days, weeks, months you just STOP.
I guess with every resolution there is a point where you think I don't have the time or I'll catch up tomorrow. Tomorrow though never comes and it ends up at the bottom of the pile of things to do never to be done again.

So 2015 comes along and you realise its been 4 years since you started that blog. You are no longer a mum of 3 but a mum of 4! - whoops

But why today, why start again.... something to do maybe but  apart from the odd note in your diary, facebook status or twitter update what has really happened on that day? you have no idea how it made you feel, not really, not deep down inside.
For years I kept a journal. 10 years to be precise it had everything in there... One day I will burn them as I think, do I really want people to read my teenage angst thoughts or who I had crushes on and those silly pictures and doodles I used to do - How many times I visited the pub with friends, who I saw and what we got upto... yeh no thanks i'd rather not let B or the boys read what mum was really like --- although I guess they could use it as a point of reference "not what to do in your teens/20's"

so I am sat listening to Mister Maker - M is watching CBeebies and have my laptop and I am typing,,, not sure if it will come of anything but I have a feeling this year is going to be an interesting one. I am starting on a "journey" - eat your heart out XFactor lol. 2015 is the year  I rediscover a few things. One of those resolution thingymabobs I said to A on NYE was that I wanted to open up my mind and read more, visit galleries and museums, go for long walks, educate myself... yes I am having a mid life crisis at the age of 32! think the Prosecco over the festive period has got to me.

so maybe this will help the "journey" of the next year... who knows!

Jx